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National Police Week is the time each year when we remember those in law enforcement who gave their lives in the performance of their duties – “the ultimate sacrifice.”  These heroes never entered the job with this intention and did willingly sacrifice themselves for the sake of protecting us all.  This is a week to remember them all so that we never forget.

Law enforcement officers die in the line of duty from many causes.  In California, vehicle related deaths are the most common.  But one of the causes of law enforcement officer death that we don’t talk about enough in suicide.  Like much of the rest of society, I think we are still too embarrassed to talk about this subject because somehow we don’t think that when someone takes their own life that it is as noble or worthy of recognition.  It’s tragic and the loss to family, friends, and our profession is the same.  In 2010, some 145 law enforcement officers committed suicide in the United States.  And these are the cases we know about.  The motivation of these officers can be often tough to figure out.  How many of these officers do you think were struggling with being gay?  Of course there can be many contributing factors that bring someone to the point of suicide, but how tragic is it when someone takes their own life because they fear being “found out” or rejected by a profession they love.

I know of one local story involving a young officer who had a very successful career.  He left one large agency and went to another, presumably to find personal happiness.  The larger agency had a well know reputation for being homophobic and not accepting of LGBT officers.  Apparently he did not find what he was looking for at his new department and decided that taking his own life was better than “coming out.”  The worst part is that no one wants to talk about it.  Despite the evidence found in his house, his parents denied it and the local agency just didn’t want to deal with it.

I’ve heard from so many closeted officers that suicide became an option for them at one point or another in their life before coming out.  And it was all driven by a fear of being rejected or forced out of the law enforcement “brotherhood.”  We talk such a good game about the importance of “having each others back” and the “thin blue line,” but when it comes to accepting the fact that one of our “brothers” or “sisters” is gay, the pervasive culture in many law enforcement agencies is still homophobic and not accepting of this aspect of our colleagues.  I hear all the time comments like, “well we don’t have any gay people in our department, so it’s not an issue here.”  The problem is that there are gay people in your department, you just don’t know who they are.  And we can’t simply expect people to “come out” and make themselves visible if the culture is not safe for them to do so.

This year, as we remember those who died in the line of duty and think about how and why, let’s also think about how we can prevent the tragic loss of a life from suicide.  How can we make sure our agencies really do “have each others back” and how can we create a safe environment for our LGBT colleagues to come out.  How can we create a culture that is supportive of our LGBT colleagues.  I could write for hours about the steps an agency can take to make a change in culture, but truly is starts with every individual member.  It simply requires an expression of acceptance and a commitment to no longer use hateful words and phrases that communicate homophobia.  I truly believe this is the last bastion of bigotry facing law enforcement internally and we have a great deal of work to do in this area.

My personal thanks to all members of law enforcement for the work you do day in and day out to make our communities a better place.  For all of the LGBT members of law enforcement, a special thanks to you for the extra sacrifice you make to be part of this amazing and noble profession – law enforcement.

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One of the major goals of our books and web content is to encourage LGBT members of law enforcement to “come out” and to share their stories with the intent of inspiring other still closeted members of law enforcement come out and to stop living in a world of fear and lies.  Today “out” members of the San Francisco Police Department demonstrated real leadership toward this goal by releasing their “It Gets Better Video.”  While this project is clearly directed at LGBT youth via the It Gets Better Project, there is no doubt that if you are an LGBT member of law enforcement, closeted or not, you will find their message truly inspiring.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6RMunYfzlGs

Young LGBT people need to see themselves in whatever dream they have for their future.  They need to see, as in this case, that no matter their sexual orientation, that they can become a police officer, deputy sheriff, or other member of law enforcement as an “out” member of the LGBT community.  San Francisco PD has always been way ahead of the profession in its support of their own LGBT members and has set the example for other departments to follow.  This is the first professional “It Gets Better” video produced and released by a police department with the full support of the police chief and mayor.  I can only hope that other departments around the country will be similarly inspired.  Our LGBT youth as well as working LGBT members of law enforcement need to see this and hear from law enforcement executives and civic leaders that being gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, or transgender is a gift and a difference valued by the department and law enforcement profession.

My personal thanks to every member of the San Francisco Police Department who participated in this video on camera and off.  You are amazing and wonderful role models for us all.  I could not be more proud of you all.

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So what happens if you take our advice and come out, but when you tell your parents or someone else close to you, it doesn’t go well.  Despite all of the success stories we know of, unfortunately there are many that end up being tragic.  This was recently the case with a good friend of mine after he came out to his parents.  For most of his life, he strived to please his parents by achieving in school and then finding a “good woman” to marry.  In fact he did find a woman who he truly fell in love with and did marry.  He was destined to create a traditional family just as his mother dreamed of for him.  But then, a few months later, his true self, that had always been there, began to emerge and his marriage ended.  At the age of 31, he identified who he truly is and came out.  It wasn’t easy, for him at all, but the courage was always there and he marched out with confidence and great enthusiasm all the while knowing that telling his parents might be the greatest challenge of all.  When he did tell the two people who for most of his life he has tried to please, it didn’t go well, at all.  Tragically, they rejected him entirely and blamed him for “ruining the family.”  He heard all of the usual non-accepting responses, like, “there are plenty of good women out there for you.  You just haven’t found the right one.”  He was no longer invited to holiday family gatherings and when he would call with holiday greetings, the phone would go unanswered.

Is it all worth it?  Well that’s a question you have to answer for yourself, but consider the sacrifice of living your life for your parents or anyone else.  We spend the first 18 years of our lives growing, learning, and developing, much at the whim and desire of our parents.  When we become adults, we begin making our own decisions.  As an LGBT person, you can decide to live your life as someone else – someone you are not to satisfy the dreams and desires of others including your parents.  Many people, especially men, do this by getting married, having children, raising a family, and then later in life, destroying it all by coming out and admitting that it’s all been unreal.  The other option is to realize who you are, accept who you are, understand that you were created to be who you are and that being LGBT is not a choice or lifestyle you select.  You can choose to live your life in the truth and then to share who you are with those you love.  It is not, however, your responsibility to make sure others accept you.

In all that we’ve written about coming out to date, we’ve always said that finding the right time and place to share your very personal news is critical.  Hopefully you didn’t and won’t choose a holiday or other family gathering.  You know your parents and others who are closet to you the best.  And if you don’t know how they will react, plan for all possible outcomes.  Remember, that just because you get an emotional and seemingly negative response, it doesn’t mean that things won’t evolve and change.  Parents, too, need time to “come out” about having an LGBT son or daughter.  Allow them the time to process the idea and consider they really may not have known about you.  But the point of this article is about what to do if it doesn’t go well.  The simple answer is that you can’t do anything about it.

Aside from being aware and sensitive about how you share your sexual orientation or gender identity, you are not responsible for how your parents or anyone else accepts you.  Rejecting you is not going to change one bit of who you are.  Making you feel guilty about “destroying the family” or telling you that you are a sinner and that you are going to hell is not going to make you any less gay.  You are who you are and no one, including your parents or even you, can change that.  Part of your plan should be preparing to walk away from it all and I mean actually leaving.  It should include the idea that you may no longer be welcome at family gathering, holiday celebrations, and that your calls may go unanswered.  Your “best friend” could decide to walk away and dissolve your friendship.  But, then again, how good of a friend were they really if they cannot accept you for who you really are.  Have courage, have confidence, and if you are tossed away by your parents, walk away with confidence.  Of course it might hurt you a great deal, so allow yourself some time to mourn.  But once that mourning has come and gone, move forward with your life.  If you have done what we suggested early on about forming a network of LGBT friends and supporters, you will never be alone.  You will have a new family, a new place to gather for holidays, and a community that loves and supports you for who you are.  You simply have to look at the important people in your life differently.  Those who reject you are no longer as important as those who do support you.  Let those who do not accept you go.  Let the stress from all of those years of trying to please them slip away.  Allow yourself to experience happiness independently from the approval of anyone else.  If and when you find someone to love, to become your partner, husband, or wife, the only one’s acceptance of that partner that is at all important is your own.  If you get from your parents the old line, “well that’s fine if you are gay, just don’t bring it around here,” then don’t.  This is not acceptance and you are worth so much more than having to live your life under those limitations.  Go out there and find the love you deserve and let go any consideration of how your parents will accept or not accept your partner.

Here’s the bottom line.  Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.  But in all cases, be who you are.  The acceptance of others won’t change the reality of who you are.  Be true to yourself always and leave the responsibility for others to accept you to them.  Lean on your friends and those who support you for strength and confidence and know you will never be alone.

This article is part of a series on “coming out.”  Click Here To Begin The Series.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RclFT71GmVc

Our congratulations to Bryan Leffew and his husband Jay Foxworthy as well as to their two children for the huge role they played in this new documentary.  Jay is a deputy sheriff with the San Francisco Sheriff’s Department.  He and Bryan have dedicated hundreds of hours to creating Youtube videos and a website all focused on showing this country that families are families whether there are two dads, two moms, or one of each.  The love they have for each other and their children is clear and a great example of how every family could and should be.

This film premiers at the Castro Theater on Tuesday, February 6, 2012.  There are several showings available that day and if you are in and around the bay area, I hope you will join me in watching the film and in supporting this amazing family and fellow law enforcement colleague.

Here is how to learn more.

Click here to order tickets to one of the premier showings.
Click here to learn more about the film.
Click here to view Gay Family Values – the website created by Bryan and Jay.

]]> http://www.comingoutfrombehindthebadge.com/announcements/love-american-family/feed/ 0 http://www.comingoutfrombehindthebadge.com/commentary/marriage-equality-matters/ http://www.comingoutfrombehindthebadge.com/commentary/marriage-equality-matters/#comments Thu, 05 Jan 2012 16:00:36 +0000 Greg http://www.comingoutfrombehindthebadge.com/?p=2170

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Over the holidays I had lunch with a very good straight friend who also happens to be a die-hard member of the Catholic church.  He’s always been supportive of me, but struggled with the idea of same-sex marriage.  We’ve talked over the years about this off and on, but this time we talked about “marriage equality” and it all made sense to him.  The obstacle for many people, especially those who are older and deeply committed to a religion that does not support gay-anything is understanding the difference between the civil definition of marriage and the religious one.  Marriage equality has nothing to do with making any religious organization consecrate any relationship it does not approve of.  In fact, the First Amendment to the United States Constitution makes religious freedom an absolute right.  In the case of the Catholic Church, under no circumstances would they be required to offer the sacrament of marriage to same-sex couples.  And this isn’t any type of special exception.  For example, a straight couple who was first married in the Catholic Church can be refused by the Catholic Church to marry in a Catholic Church until and unless they go through the church’s annulment process.  There is no legal obligation for the Catholic Church, or any other, to marry anyone, straight or gay.  But of course, a church can, as some do now, provide a marriage ceremony to any couple they wish.

Marriage equality matters only to the civil or legal relationship established under the law of the land between two people.   There are both practical and social benefits that make marriage a matter of equality under the 14th Amendment to the United States Constitution.  There are over 1100 federal rights and benefits given to couples who have a marriage that is recognized legally by the government.  Many of these rights and benefits are significant.  Of course, there are similar rights at the state level applicable to legally married couples as well making this issue of equality notable under the law.  Many books have been written outlining in detail the many rights involved, but for example, consider how a partner’s health benefits are taxed differently and the differences in the amounts of money married couples pay in income tax compared to those couples who must file separately.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=be9w4QpQ4Xw

Why is the word “marriage” significant?  Why doesn’t something like, “civil union work?”  The word “marriage’ has a certain recognition in our society that may or may not include an association with having made a religious commitment.  For example, if you are in a work or social setting, and someone who doesn’t know you asks, “are you married?”  A reply of, “yes, I’m married” discloses that you are in a  legally committed relationship, but doesn’t say anything about your sexual orientation.  Having to reply, “no, I’m in a civil union (or domestic partnership)” says not only that you are in a legally committed relationship, but also that you are gay.  In some social circles that may not be a big deal, but it could be in others and, the bottom line is, that it is different  and not equal.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBZ06_3GgLs

The term “marriage equality” is more appropriate to describe the civil right we are fighting for.  Whether you see yourself getting married or not, having that option available is an important right that you should be concerned about.  Marriage is a legal institution that provides stability for relationships and families.  This is the reason the government had an interest in marriage from the beginning and all couples should be able to benefit from this source of stability no matter their sexual orientation.  Unfortunately, many government leaders don’t understand any of this.  The good news is, however, that some are coming around much like the governor from Washington.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJu6MA_wF7o

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The beginning of a new year is always a great point in life to stop and reset, to end something old and to start something new.  I’ve never been one to write out a long list of resolutions for the start of a new year, but I do like to pick one or two major efforts to work on in the new year.  I know of a lot of people make health related resolutions, like loosing weight or starting a new exercise program.  For all of you reading this who are not yet out and who are surviving by telling lies or leading two separate lives, I challenge you to make only one resolution this year – start living a truly authentic life.  Even if you are not ready to “come out” to the entire world on January 1, promise yourself that you will no longer procreat more lies to create the perception of living a type of life that satisfies the needs of others.  Whether its your family, friends, or work place, promise yourself that you will no longer lie about who you are dating or who you are as a person.

I can tell from personal experience that living a double-life and constantly telling lies about your life is totally stressful, both mentally and physically.  The worry about someone finding out the truth about what you are hiding takes years off of your life and for what?  Making a resolution this year to start living an authentic life in 2012 will not only be something that will improve your mental health, but it will have a positive effect on your physical health as well.  Lowering the stress in your life will help you smile more, eat and drink less, sleep better, and help you to feel better about yourself overall.  Anyone who has come out will tell you the same thing.

Afraid?  Fear not, for there are thousands of “out” LGBT law enforcement professionals out there who are ready to embrace and support you.  All you need to do is to reach out and tell us who you are.  You can use the link at the top of this page to get immediate support from us.  You can also click on the link for law enforcement organizations and connect with an association or group located near you.  I guarantee you will find acceptance, understanding, and total support.

If you decide to make this your resolution for 2012, tell us about it.  Let us be the first to congratulate you and to wish you a very happy and authentic new year.

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October 11th of each year is “National Coming Out Day.”  It’s a time each year when people are encouraged to “come out” with their sexual orientation or gender identity.  Although I think any day of the year is a good time to come out, if you are looking for a publicly recognized day to take this important step, then October 11th is as good a day as any.

October is also GLBT History Month and another opportunity to learn about our struggles, our victories, and about some of the amazing people who made it all happen.  Because of people like Harvey Milk and many other pioneers, our society is a more accepting place for people coming out than every before.  Nonetheless, coming out is still a challenge.

Each year I write with a challenge to those of you in law enforcement who are still in the closet and this year will be no exception.  I urge you to take a leap of faith and to come out. Use National Coming Out Day or GLBT History Month to mark this milestone in your life.  You have no idea of how much freedom, relief, and pure joy you will feel once you release yourself to start living your life as you were created to be.  In law enforcement, there is a huge network of GLBT police officers, deputy sheriffs, agents, and every other title, just waiting to embrace you and support you.  You are not alone and you will find acceptance in law enforcement.

There is so much available to you on how to take the first step in coming out including what is available in our books and on this website.  You can even get individual support by clicking on Coming Out at the top of this page.  If you don’t have time to read our books, then read the coming out posts on this website.  The time is now, so take that first step and go for it!

And if coming out for yourself isn’t a good enough reason, then do it for all of the other closeted cops out there who continue to suffer from the homophobia that still exists in our profession.  How can you change that?  You need to make yourself visible by coming out and sharing your story.  Trust me, you are not the first or only gay cop at your department.  But you may be the first to come out and we know from experience that by putting a face on the issue we can defeat the negative stereotypes that still hang on us.  I can’t tell you how many stories I’ve heard of officers who have come out and who have had a very positive influence on their peers.  They have literally changed minds and hearts.  Employment laws and anti-discrimination policies are important, but they are really only good for punishing offenders after the damage is done.  The only true way to defeat homophobia is to make ourselves visible and to demonstrate that we can do the job as well or better than anyone else.

Need a quick guide for coming out on National Coming Out Day, here you go.

A.  Stand in front of a mirror, look at yourself and say it out loud.  ”I’m gay (or lesbian, bi-sexual, transgender or how you choose to identify).  But say it for real out load.  You need to come out to yourself before you can tell anyone else.
B.  Think about the friend you are closest too.  The friend you value and trust the most.  Call that person and set up a time and place to meet.  Share your story and come out.
C.  Follow your heart on who you tell next, but reach out to connect with other GLBT law enforcement personnel.

There are all kinds of resources including a section on the HRC Website.  Click Here To Learn More.

If you decide to come out today, we’d love to hear from you.  Click on Coming Out at the top of this page and send us a note to let us know how it all goes.  Know that we are here, ready, and waiting to embrace you!

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Today, our nation put to rest forever “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell,” a policy that prevented some 14,000 members of our nation’s military from being honest about who they are.  This policy has forced honorable men and women to hide who they are not only from their peers and commanding officers, but from their parents, family and friends.  Today, they are finally free to be who they are and no longer required to bare the burden of keeping who they are a secret from anyone.

It takes more courage than I have to serve in a branch of our military.  It’s amazing to me that many people still find that it takes more courage to come out than it does to fight for our freedom.  All of this aside, I found myself completely moved today while I watched this incredible soldier share with the world such an important moment with his parents.  I am humbled by his courage and can only call him a true role model of bravery and courage for others.  What a gift he gave all of those who are still in the closet looking for the way out.

The first call he made to his dad.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DVAgz6iyK6A

The second call he made to his mom.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4CKF97DAi8

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The old adage that “leadership starts at the top” couldn’t be more true when it comes to establishing organizational culture especially around the issues of diversity and inclusivity. The police chief or sheriff, as the agency executive, must set the tone for the organization and then hold people accountable for conduct that is consistent with their established values, policies, and ethical standards of the organization.

For LGBT employees, the agency executive is an important ally. If the agency culture around LGBT issues has been hostile and homophobic, the executive is really the only person who can initiate effective change. Hopefully the motivation to create an inclusive work place for LGBT employees will come from a sense of value for those employees and for the value of the diversity LGBT employees bring to the table. Unfortunately, change in this area is often motivated by the order of a court or settlement agreement. In all cases, the chief or sheriff is the one who must drive change.

I’ve been asked often by agency managers, mostly lieutenants and captains, and a few chiefs how they can create a positive work place for LGBT employees. Those of us in the LGBT community cannot assume that this is common sense. Changing any aspect of organizational culture takes time and steady, consistent messaging over time. Creating an inclusive and accepting work culture that has traditionally been full of homophobia will never happen overnight and, in fact, may take years. But because the process for creating this type of change is not common sense or a topic commonly taught in leadership schools, I offer the following guidance for our straight allies in leadership who desire to make their agencies a more accepting and successful work place for LGBT employees.

A good friend of mine was recently promoted to chief in a department of about 190 sworn officers. He told me about two officers within the ranks he believes are gay. He told me that rumors about the officers have traveled around the department and he was particularly concerned because one of them was in the process of leaving the department to go to a department known to be more gay friendly. The chief added that he has no “out” gay male officers and wanted to know what he could do to make these two officers more comfortable. He said both were very productive and professional and that having them leave would definitely be a loss. Here is what I shared.

First of all, the organization is already pointed in the right direction, because this new chief cares enough about the topic to ask about it. The traditional approach might have been to hope the two closted gay officers leave so that the organization doesn’t have to deal with potentially having “out” gay officers. The reality is that LGBT employees already exist, so if you are a chief or sheriff reading this article, don’t think for a second that just because no one has ever come out in your department that you don’t have any LGBT employees. In fact, if no one has ever come out, you should be very worried about why.

The path to change starts with looking at agency policies. Check any policy that deals with any type of identity, such as race, gender, and nationality, to be sure that it also includes sexual orientation and gender identity. Just because your state does not prohibit harassment and discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity doesn’t mean that you cannot have a department policy that requires equality. It’s not enough to say in general terms that “all people are equal.” For the LGBT employee, seeing “sexual orientation” and “gender identity” spelled out in policy is important and it communicates a value around this difference that establishes equality with other individual characteristics. Including this specific language in policy will then drive discussions in training when work place harassment and discrimination policies are periodically reviewed. New employees coming into the organization will also be trained on the values of inclusivity at this level automatically in the same way that they are about valuing other individual differences.

The Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department created a model approach to changing agency culture in this way when Sheriff Bacca wrote into the department values statement specific language around not tolerating homophobia. You will find LGBT specific language throughout their agency values and policies.

One of the questions my friend asked me was if he should approach the two closeted officers and to tell them that he is “OK with them being gay.” The answer is definitely no. First of all, you don’t know for sure about someone’s sexual orientation or gender identity until they come out about it. There are all kinds of reasons that one’s sexual orientation or gender identity might be mis-perceived. It’s never a good idea, especially for an executive, to try and “out” or “force out” a closeted employee. So aside from a policy, how does a chief or sheriff directly communicate to closeted LGBT employees that it’s safe to come out? It’s simple really, but it must start with how the agency executive communicates daily and what language they use.

Anytime an opportunity occurs to talk about valuing diversity and inclusivity, use specific language that includes “lesbian,” “gay,” “bi-sexual,” and “transgender.” Modeling the language and behavior desirable to promote an inclusive environment is a powerful tool for creating change. An executive should never forget how carefully subordinates watch and listen to everything that comes out of the mouth of the agency leader. Don’t be afraid to use terms and phrases like, “LGBT,” “GLBT,” “gay,” “lesbian,” “bi-sexual,” or “transgender.” Avoid words and phrases such as “lifestyle,” alternative lifestyle,” and “anything to do with “choice.” Sexual orientation and gender identity is not a matter of choice. The bottom line is that you should talk about it rather than simply avoiding use of the terms or assuming that everyone knows what you mean when you say you “value diversity.”

The agency command staff must follow the executive’s lead. Talk to your captains and lieutenants about the change in culture you want to make around creating an inclusive and comfortable place for LGBT employees. Encourage your leadership team to use the same specific language in their daily exchanges. If your command staff isn’t already on board with how to be a good ally for LGBT employees, then maybe some specific training on the topic would be in order.

The next step is to look for opportunities for your agency to be involved with the local LGBT community. If your city has an LGBT pride parade or festival, be there. Put together a contingent to participate in the parade and take the leadership position of marching. Others will follow and you will, without saying a word, communicate a message of value and acceptance to your LGBT employees. If your department participates in other cultural events by having a recruitment booth, look for events within your LGBT community to do the same. Seek out LGBT organizations in your community and meet periodically with the leaders of these groups just like you would with religious leaders and the leaders of other identity groups and civil rights organizations. Again, your actions will speak as loud or louder than words.

How do you know if you have an organizational culture that is homophobic? Listen to the language people use. If words like, “fag” and “faggot” and phrases like, “that’s so gay” get used without repercussions or immediate action by supervisors, you have a homophobic work place culture. Managers, supervisors, and ideally line-level employees should be equally appalled hearing “niger” in the work place as they do “fag.” Both should draw equal reaction from management. Language is the lowest, but most common and damaging form of work place harassment. Ridding an organization of homophobia must include aggressively correcting work place language.

Of course, enforcing agency policies around equality, discrimination, and harassment are at the cornerstone of changing culture. As the executive, if you are complacent, slow to react, or totally non-reactive to this type of conduct, you might as well say to your rank and file that you support it. Hold people accountable just as you would for a use of excessive force or any other form of unprofessional or illegal conduct.

Over time, your actions and those of your command staff will speak for themselves and your LGBT employees will begin to feel more comfortable. Coming out at work is a complex issue and there may be many reasons way beyond your control as an executive that prevent an employee from coming out, but you will strike the best chance of having employees come out if you make sure the work place environment is safe. And isn’t that what we want for everyone and ourselves? We want to come to work feeling valued, safe, and secure.

If you have a situation that you would like free advice on how to handle, I invite you to contact us using one links at the top of the page. Our contributing authors have a commitment to helping agency executives and other straight allies make law enforcement a better place for LGBT employees.

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Join us at the 15th Annual LGBT law enforcement conference sponsored by LEGAL International! We’ll be there for the entire conference. This is the BEST opportunity to meet other LGBT law enforcement personnel from all over the country and beyond. But it’s so much more than a social event. The training classes offered are incredible and not available at any other on-stop location.

Greg Miraglia will be presenting a training program on the human relations training he designed and presents at the Napa Valley Police Academy. This training will include a detailed look at the 54 hours of training basic academy recruits receive including the cross-cultural research project. He will have copies of the program for each attendee. He will also be the keynote speaker at the conference dinner.

The conference will take place at the Luxor Hotel in Las Vegas. Rooms start at just $55 a night. You can learn more about the conference and purchase your registration online at www.legalinternational.org

Here is a list of some of the training scheduled for the conference.

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Now that you have come out to yourself and have had some success telling other people close to you in your life, you are probably thinking about how to come out at work.  Remember that once you begin to tell people in your personal life that you are gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, or transgender, you cannot reasonably expect that secret to be maintained.  It’s not fair for you to be able to come out, but then not allow anyone else in your life to “come out” as an ally or simply as your supportive friend.  If there were rumors at work about your before, you can expect those rumors to increase or re-surface at work.  Why is your life so interesting?  Well, law enforcement folks, by their nature, are curious.  In fact, I would say we are fascinated by each others lives.  Whether motivated by interest or caused by boredom, we like to talk about each other all the time.  It’s part of the culture everywhere I’ve ever been.  It is the nature “of the beast.”  What I’ve found most curious though is that we aren’t nearly as interested in facts or truth as we are about speculation and rumor.  Once you do come out at work, you will find that the rumors stop because talking about what everyone knows isn’t very interesting.

There are a few things to think about before coming out at work.  First of all, as of today, only 21 states provide for employment protection based on sexual orientation and or gender identity.  This means that in the majority of states, you can still legally be fired simply for being a member of the LGBT community.  I haven’t heard of it happening often, but I have talked with officers within the last couple of years who suffered from this kind of “legalized” discrimination.  You should know where you stand legally before making the decision to talk about who you are at work.  Click here for up to date information about employment laws in your state. You should also review your agency policies and procedures as well as any municipal or county personnel rules and regulations related to discrimination.  Knowing exactly where you stand will give you confidence as you make the decision to come out at work.

As much as law enforcement work and culture is the same, no matter where you are in the country, every agency does have aspects of its culture unique to the people working there.  If you work for a small department where everyone from the chief or sheriff down to the part time volunteer knows everyone else, think about talking to your chief or sheriff first.  Whether its out of respect for the position or relationship, having support from the top helps.  Now of course, this assumes you do in fact know your agency executive well enough to know he or she will be supportive.  I’ve talked to a lot of officers who told me that telling their chief was important and knowing of their support made the rest of the process easier.  In larger agencies, as a line officer, you may not have any connection with the chief or sheriff at all, so coming out to them probably isn’t an issue.  Consider your assignment, the relationships you have with supervisors and peers, and your own comfort level.  You also need to think about any “beards” or “cover stories” you’ve used to conceal your sexuality as these facts and stories need to be undone.  If you work with a partner on the job, respect that relationship and consider telling your work partner first.  I don’t recommend doing it on duty or even around the work place.  You don’t want to risk having someone overhear your conversation or, worse yet, have a hot call go down right in the middle of telling your story.  Like in the last article, find a place to have lunch or dinner, set aside a good amount of time for conversation, and then go for it.  Be ready for questions and don’t set yourself up for any one particular reaction. If it doesn’t go well, be prepared to let it go for the moment and give your work partner time to think about what you’ve said.

One of the common reactions I encountered as I came out to people at work and to friends in my life is, “why didn’t you feel comfortable telling me before?”  It’s not that you didn’t tell THEM, it’s that you didn’t tell anyone.  Make it about you, not them.  Coming out is a very personal decision that, in this profession, takes courage above and beyond.  Explain yourself without making excuses or placing blame.  That was then and this is now.

It took a good year for rumors and gossip to stop after I came out.  No one ever said a negative thing to my face.  While I’m sure there was a lot talked about behind my back, I never heard about it.  People at your work place will talk and there is nothing you can do about.  Encourage open dialogue and remember, your co-workers will be as comfortable with you as you are with yourself.

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This is an important study just released that provides clear evidence that those employees who are “out” on the job stand a greater chance of being successful.  For law enforcement agencies, one of the important facts this survey supports is that “out” employees are less likely to leave an organization.  The learning point here for agency leaders is that the organization must support LGBT employees by creating a safe environment for LGBT employees to come out.

Source:  www.thinkprogress.org

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June is pride month and a great time each year to celebrate being who you are. It makes no difference if you are gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, transgender, or straight, pride month is all about celebrating and being “out” about our differences. For all of us in law enforcement, we should remember that the annual pride parade has roots back to a violent conflict between patrons of a gay bar and the police. The riots and march arising from the police raid at the Stonewall Inn was, at least symbolically, the start of the gay rights movement.

The Stonewall Bar Today – June 2011 (photo courtesy of Alex Holm)

If you haven’t taken the time to watch “Stonewall Uprising,” here is a perfect opportunity to do so. Here is an opportunity to learn about some our history and to discover the origins of today’s pride.

From “American Experience” and PBS Video.

There are all kinds of reasons to have pride this month.  Click here to read more from our post from Pride 2010.

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Today is the second “Harvey Milk Day” in California. The day commemorates Harvey’s birthday and celebrates his accomplishments and contributions to the GLBT community. Last month on Outbeat Now! we featured stories about how you can celebrate Harvey Milk Day by visiting the new GLBT museum in San Francisco and how you can learn more about GLBT history.

I was in high school at the time Harvey was assassinated. I remember the story well, but didn’t really know who Harvey Milk was and how important he would become to my own civil rights. We all owe it to Harvey Milk to know his story, to share it, and to appreciate his courage. His work paved the way for all of us to have it a little easier today than he did. Of course, Harvey Milk took a lead role in helping to re-shape the relationship between law enforcement and the gay community. The 1960′s and 1970′s were violent times between the police and our community. Harvey used the power of his words to organize peaceful demonstrations.

This year, while preparing for the monthly GLBT radio show that I co-host, I had the honor to meet and talk with Paul Boneberg who is the executive director of the GLBT History Museum in San Francisco. We met at the museum and sat around Harvey Milk’s actual kitchen table. Sitting on the table was the real bull horn he used, some articles of his clothing, and a strong sense of history. What an experience. If you get to the Castro in San Francisco, be sure and visit the museum.

If you cannot get to the GLBT Museum in San Francisco, take some time to watch these video clips of some of the most famous moments in our history.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Up55VCNA03s

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZNGpB9A2js

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzQ3NFXwpV8

You can learn more about Harvey Milk by watching two movies and by visiting some of websites listed below.

The Times Of Harvey Milk

Milk

GLBT Museum

Harvey Milk Related Websites

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Join us in June as we celebrate pride in Pittsburgh!  Here’s a run down of where we will be.

Saturday, June 11, 2011 2:00PM – Book Signing Event – The Book Center – The University of Pittsburgh 4000 5th Avenue.  Come and meet author Greg Miraglia and contributing authors EMT Jessica McGuinness and Fire Captain Brett Dunkel.  Books will be available for purchase and signing.

Sunday, June 12, 2011 12:00PM – Pride Parade on Liberty Avenue.  We’ll be marching with local public safety agencies.  Come by after the parade and say hi at our table.  We’ll be available to sign books and chat.  We’ll be there for Pride Fest between 1:00PM and 6:00PM.

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We are launching a new part of our website that includes posting short stories and videos submitted by law enforcement, fire service, and EMS professionals from around the country.  We want to hear from police officers, deputies, 9-1-1 dispatchers, correctional officers, fire fighters, paramedics or anyone who is working in a public safety profession and who happens to be gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, or transgender.

Your story doesn’t have to be about how you came out.  In fact, we are looking for your most memorable moments on the job related to being gay, lesbian, bi-sexual or transgender.  Maybe it’s the time when you first told your work partner or an awkward or challenging moment during a call in the field.  It could be a story that is funny, happy, sad, or maddening.  The lives of public safety professionals are always unique and fascinating and for those who identify as LGBT, life can be particularly challenging.

We are looking for short stories (2000 words or less).  No story is too short to share, so don’t feel like you need to spend days writing.  Stories that are 300 to 500 words are often the most powerful.  All you have to do is click on the “Submit Your Story” link at the top of this page, fill out the simple form, and then cut and paste your story into the text box provided.

Now if you really want to get creative, we now have the ability to post videos!  You can make a video of your story and upload it to YouTube.  Then, must submit the URL to your upload in the text box as described above.

In all cases, we will publish all stories on this website as soon as they are submitted.  At some point, we may explore assembling these stories into another type of publication or media.  For now, we simply want to get as many stories out there as we can.  Our goal with this project continues to be to inspire other LGBT public safety professionals and to educate our straight colleagues.

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Now that you’ve made it through the first and most scary phase of coming out to yourself, you are ready to move on about the business of living your life in the truth.  For many people this also means beginning to unravel all of the lies, masks, and smoke screens that you have put in place to protect yourself from suspicion.  For some, this means removing all of the, “beards,” those people of the opposite gender that you kept around to look the part at social events, family gatherings, and at work.  For others, it might mean considering a divorce. In our new book, “American Heroes Coming Out From Behind The Badge,” Sergeant Pete Thoshinsky writes about having to make this same decision.  At the age of 44 and after marrying a woman, Pete came out.  His new-found partner was in a similar situation, but also had kids.  Although the pain of a divorce is nothing to take lightly, it is certainly better than continuing to live a lie and to lead on those you still love. Think your decision through carefully, but know that every day you continue to lie is one more day of pain that you, your spouse, and your children will have to suffer through.

Living your life in the truth means that you will no longer lie about who you are.  It means that you will stop making up stories about the dates you had, the “hot women” or “hot men” you are chasing, and that you start thinking about sharing who you really are with those in your life including friends, family, and co-workers.  It would be easy if you could just go to work and to be able to keep your private life totally separate.  However, the reality is for almost every job, especially one in law enforcement, it just doesn’t work that way.  Think about it.  What’s the first question you or your co-workers ask on a Monday?  “Hey, how was your weekend?  What did you do?”  Almost every work place has some social activity at some level, so even if you never attend these events, at some point you are going to be asked or wondered about.  Living an authentic life means not only being honest with yourself, but with others close to you.  Of course, this leads to the next phase of the coming out process which is to share your secret with others.

If you think that coming out is a once-in-a-lifetime event, let me tell you from experience that it is not.  In fact, you will likely come out every day for the rest of your life.  Now it certainly won’t be as dramatic, scary, or emotional as it is the first few times you tell people, but the reality is that, straight or gay, people come out with their sexuality in the normal course of business.  Whether it’s in the pictures you put up on  your locker or desk or who you talk about sharing your life with, we express our sexuality in the normal course of life’s business.  I’ve talked to several friends now who have told me that they don’t ever “come out” to anyone.  One friend told me, “if you talk to me for five or ten minutes about who I am, you will discover on your own that I”m gay.  The most important people in my life are my partner and our son.  I almost always have something to say about us.”  And this is so true.  In today’s age, gay and lesbian people are “out” everywhere, even in law enforcement.  It is a huge event in your life, but in the big picture, it’s probably a bigger issue for you than most others.  The older you are and the more lies you have to unravel, the more individual conversations you might have to have.  But, you don’t have to throw a coming out party to share your secret.

Here are some thoughts about the first few people you tell.  First of all, think about those people in your life you care most about.  Who has earned the place in your life to be among the first to know your truth.  Think next about who is most likely to support you.  Don’t set yourself up for the expectation that everyone will embrace your news, but do pick one person who is most likely to listen and accept you unconditionally.   In our books, I recommend first building a network of gay friends, people you can talk to about coming out and how to do it.  This network can also support you when you feel most alone.  Once you do identify the person you want to tell first, set up a quiet and private place to talk.  The Thanksgiving dinner table is not the place!  A party is not the place.  The locker room or police department briefing is not the place.  Make sure you have enough time to really talk and to listen.  Don’t make a game out of it and be careful not to create such drama around the set-up that you create more anxiety for you and the recipient of your secret than is necessary.  For me, the best place to talk is over a meal in a restaurant that is not crowded or too noisy.  Don’t get drunk before you begin sharing and remember, you’ve known the truth about yourself for a long time.  The person you are telling may just be finding out.  Be ready for any reaction, but don’t be disappointed when you hear, “Yeah, I know.  What took you so long to tell me?”  Go slowly and share you secret at a pace you feel comfortable with, but understand that once you do tell someone, you can’t expect anyone else to keep it a secret.  It’s not fair to say, “I’m going to tell you something about me, but you can’t tell anyone else” and then hold the person accountable if they slip – it’s not fair.

I recommend making a list, in order, of who you want to tell thinking about how the people on your list associate with each other.  And don’t be afraid of letting the word get out on its own.  You don’t have to make a formal announcement to everyone in your life.  Reserve those special times and sharing for those people closest to you or who you need to unravel a lie with.  Let nature take its course, but know that you can never again lie about or deny who you are.  You must make a commitment to life your life in the truth from this point on.

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Last week the NBA fined LA Lakers player Kobe Bryant for using profanity and a gay slur. Bryant has been ordered to pay $100,000 for calling a referee a word that GLBT youth report hearing daily. It’s a word that has a history of violence attributed to it and, while many sources disagree on exactly what that history is, today the word “fag” is clearly recognized as a derogatory term much like other racial and ethnic slurs. Using it, as Kobe did, in a fit of rage along with profanity clearly demonstrates that he didn’t intend on sending the NBA official a compliment.

What is refreshing about this is the NBA’s immediate reaction and condemnation of Kobe’s use of this word. Despite the reputation that professional sports has for being homophobic, NBA Commissioner Davis Stern didn’t hesitate to call-out Kobe for unacceptable conduct. While I was a bit surprised, but nevertheless very happy to see Kobe be held accountable for use of this slur, I still find it disappointing that in law enforcement phrases like, “that’s so gay,” and use of the word, “fag” and “fagot” often go un-noticed. Like professional sports, homophobia is alive and well in many law enforcement agencies. And one of the reasons that it still exits is because the use of inappropriate gay slurs is tolerated. I’m not suggesting that agency executives and leaders encourage use of these words, but by not setting a professional standard and reacting to use of these words like David Stern did, they are condoning the conduct. What is really disturbing is that these slurs get used by professionals who have taken an oath to defend the Constitutional rights of all people. These are “peace officers” who take an oath to a code of ethics that demands “exemplary” following laws and department policies and no tolerance for unprofessional conduct, including language.

I expect more from law enforcement officers than I do from a basketball player. I expect more from law enforcement leaders and executives than I do from the NBA Commissioner. I think we all should. It’s about time that all law enforcement professionals step up in the same way that David Stern did and put an end to any level of tolerance for use of these words. Middle schools, high schools, colleges, and a good portion of the the rest of society have already stepped up and recognize use of these words are wrong. At least we can expect the same from those we pay to protect us, all of us.

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With the release of our second book now behind us, it’s time to get focused back on building content for this website to support the many still closeted gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, and transgender police, fire, and EMS professionals out there working hard every day in communities throughout the world.  This post begins a series we hope will add to the advice we give in both books about the coming out process and specifically about how to come out in law enforcement, the fire service, or as an EMS professional.

While each of these professions has its own unique culture, the coming out journey really begins the same way no matter which badge or uniform you wear.  The place to begin in in front of a mirror and by taking an honest and serious look at yourself.  There is no perfect age to do this.  For many young people these days, this look comes at 12 or 13 years old, but if you have been working as a police officer, firefighter, or EMS professional, for ten or twenty years, you may have avoided this mirror until now.  Just know that it is never too late to begin the journey of coming out.

You need to be honest with yourself first a foremost.  More than likely, deep down inside, you know if you have had a same sex attraction in your life.  Realize that its not a matter of being only straight or gay, there are many variations in between.  As Alfred Kinsey and others have proven through their extensive studies, sexuality is a continuum.  How you identify depends on the label you decide best fits your sexual attractions.  Be cautious though about becoming lost in denial.  It’s easy to rationalize away those feelings, fantasies, and longings in order to fit in with what your friends, family, and professional colleagues expect.  The image of yourself that you create can easily be shaped by the expectations of others, but ultimately, when you take a close look at yourself in that mirror, you need to look honestly and without shame at the truth you see.  You can try to deny all those attractions and feelings all you want, but they won’t go away.

The image we create of ourselves is shaped by many outside influences.  It begins with the approval of our parents, our siblings, friends at school, and what we see and learn about through the media and rest of society.  Non-heterosexuality is probably not part of that image others have created for you.  But, the reality is that your sexuality is not a matter of choice.  You cannot consciously decided to “follow in your father’s or mother’s footsteps” like many of you did when you got into law enforcement, the fire service, or emergency medicine.  Yes, it is true that you can cover it up and decide to live a heterosexual life, but living that life does not change your sexuality or make you straight – no matter how hard you try.  And ultimately, you will be the one who loses the most in this lie.

Look in the mirror and don’t be afraid of what you see.  Even if you have denied seeing yourself and your true sexuality before, it is never too late to see your true self with 20/20 vision.  It’s never too late to start reversing the lie you have been living, but you must begin that journey by being truthful with yourself first.  You cannot expect anyone else to accept the true you if you are not ready to accept yourself first.  Now it may not be easy and you may be unsure, but you must begin your journey here, in front of the mirror, by coming out to yourself first.  You cannot expect others to even consider accepting who you are if you are not able to accept yourself.  I know so many people in my life who are struggling with just this very stage and I want to badly to say, it’s ok, you can come out and be who you were created to be.

How do you come out to yourself you ask?  You step up in front of that mirror and say those words out loud.  “I’m gay,” or, “I’m bi-sexual.”  Say the words out loud and give yourself the credit of being honest with yourself for perhaps the first time in your life.  Verbalizing your identity is the first step toward accepting this aspect of who you are.  It is also the first step in ridding yourself of the shame and fear that has accumulated throughout your life.  This is where the coming out journey begins.

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If you are new to our website, welcome!  We would love to send you a set of our books, Coming Out From Behind The Badge and American Heroes coming Out From Behind The Badge so that you can have all of the stories from our amazing gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, and transgender police officers, firefighters, and EMS professionals from throughout the United States.  These books are ideal for anyone who is thinking about coming out, in the process of coming out, for who is a straight ally who wants to learn more.  Each book contains first-hand stories from real public safety professionals who are “out on the job” and who have found success personally and professionally.  Both books offer advice about how to come out and a wide range of resources.

The Library Collection includes both hard cover additions signed by author Greg Miraglia.  In addition, this set includes a CD copy of “Outbeat Radio Comes Out From Behind The Badge,” a one-hour radio special we produced in May of 2010 that aired on KRCB Radio as part of National Law Enforcement Month.  This show contains interviews with “out” gay and lesbian police officers from all over the United States.  This CD is only available through our website as part of this special package.

The softcover set includes both books in paperback.  You can get a customized message and signature that would be ideal as a gift for someone else for as a keepsake for yourself.

Proceeds from the sale of these books go to fund the Out To Protect Scholarship Program supporting GLBT law enforcement students throughout the United States.

Pricing for these special book sets include 3-day USPS priority mail shipping directly to you.

CLICK HERE TO ORDER NOW

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On February 19, 2011, we celebrated the release of American Heroes Coming Out From Behind The Badge at the A Different Light Bookstore in the heart of the Castro in San Francisco.  This was our first official release party for this book.  Pictured here are contributing authors Peter Thoshinsky, Jessica McGinness, Greg Miraglia, and Brett Dunckel. Brett and Jessica both traveled to San Francisco from the east coast to be part of this event.

About 100 people packed the bookstore.  The crowd included friends, family, and students from the Napa Valley College Police Academy where author Greg Miraglia teaches.  Attendees asked questions and listened to each author read from their own favorite part of their story.

We thank everyone who traveled to San Francisco on a very rainy day to celebrate with us.  Our hope is that these stories will reach and help those who are closeted and fearful about coming out to realize you can be out and still have a successful career in public safety.  We also hope that these stories will enlighten and educate colleagues, family, and co-workers to become allies and supporters.

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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Announcing The Official Release Of
American Heroes Coming Out From Behind The Badge

Stories From Police, Fire and EMS Professionals “Out” On the Job

January 11, 2011 – Santa Rosa, California.  Author Greg Miraglia announced today the official release of his second book, “American Heroes coming Out From Behind The Badge – Stories from police, fire, and EMS Professionals “Out” on the job.”

The stories contained in this book were written by real police officers, firefighters, and EMS Professionals about their own coming out journies.  Each story is unique, but shares the common experience of coming out while working as a public safety professional.  These courageous people are truly role models who have demonstrated that you can be “out” on the job and still be successful.  All of them are doing their part to combat the unofficial “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy that exits in many police departments, fire departments, and EMS agencies.

“It’s truly an honor to share with the world the stories of some special and amazing police officers, firefighters, and EMS Professionals from around the United States who are currently serving communities just like the one you live in.  What makes these dedicated public servants extra special is that they happen to be gay, lesbian, bi-sexual or transgender.  They also happen to be “out” despite the homophobia that still exists in within all three of these public safety professions,” said Miraglia.

In his first book, Mr. Miraglia told his own coming out story after working for three different law enforcement agencies and rising to the rank of deputy chief.  In addition to the new stories in this new book, Mr. Miraglia offers more advice based on what he has learned since coming out in 2004.

Mr. Miraglia added, “The best law enforcement work is done by people for people.  We are a profession of people and to that end we share many common human attributes including our sexuality.  The variety of sexual orientation found in men and women transcends all races, ethnicities, nationalities, religiions, and countries.  It also transcends every law enforcement agency serving and protecting every community.  It is not a choice, but rather a part of how we were created.  Although it can be masked, it cannot ever be changed.  It is a part of every human being who carries a badge.”

The official release event will be held at the A Different Light Bookstore, located at 489 Castro Street in San Francisco, on Saturday, February 19, 2011, at 3:00 PM.  This event will feature readings from the book from several of the contributing authors.  A question and answer period and book signing will follow.  Copies of the book will be available for sale.

“American Heroes Coming Out From Behind The Badge” is now available for immediate order from online book sellers including Authorhouse.com, Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble.com.  Signed copies are available from our own website at www.comingoutfrombehindthebadge.com. Proceeds from the sale of the book will go to the Out To Protect National Scholarship Program supporting LGBT law enforcement academy students.

American Heroes Coming Out From Behind The Badge

6″X9″  212 pages
Library of Congress Control Number 2010917075
Paperback ISBN: 9781452076270  Suggested Retail Price: $21.95
Hardcover ISBN: 978142076287  Suggested Retail Price: $26.95
E-Book ISBN: 9781452076294 Suggested Retail Price: $14.99
Publisher:  Author House
Wholesale Distributor:  Ingram Books and Baker & Taylor (Retailers Buy-Back Guarantee Available)

Recommended Categories:  Self-Help, Health and Sexuality, LGBT Studies, Law Enforcement, Diversity Studies, Anthologies

Author House Publisher Direct Sales:  Call 888-280-7715 (Quantity Discounts Available)
To Request A Free Review Copy:  Call Author House at 888-519-5121 extension 5299

For more information about this release or to request an interview, please call:

COFBTB Publications – 707-333-8353

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This morning President Obama signed the repeal of “don’t ask, don’t tell” into law.  He began the signing ceremony with a story about a gay soldier who served in World War II.  Later, he talked about how there will never be a full accounting of the history of service by LGBT military personnel because of the don’t ask, don’t tell policy. He added, “troops sacrifice a lot…. none should have to sacrifice their integrity.”  The signing of this repeal is a significant step forward in the LGBT civil rights movement.

Earlier this week, Congressman Barney Frank had this to say about the “homosexual agenda.”

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This weekend’s historic vote to repeal the military’s formal “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy is truly a significant gain in the fight for LGBT equality.  DADT has not only legally discriminated against LGBT members of the military, but it has created a culture within the branches of the military that will take longer to change than will the change of the law.  Organizational culture is shaped by the attitudes, beliefs, and actions of its leaders and members.  Laws and policies can demand certain behaviors and conduct and provide punishments and sanctions for those who break the law, but no law or policy can change minds and hearts or organizational culture.  Only leadership, personal courage, and time can do that.

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I’m very excited to announce that American Heroes Coming Out From Behind The Badge is now available for pre-order.  Signed hard cover edition will be ready to ship by the middle of January 2011.  The soft cover and e-book will be released next fall.

This book includes new stories from police officers, firefighters, and EMS professionals from around the country.  I’ve updated my own story and included more advice about coming out based on what I have learned over the last six years from my own experience as well as from talking to others I’ve met along the way.

I’m incredibly grateful for the officers, firefighters, and EMS Professionals who contributed to this second book including Peter Thoshinsky, Richard Swallow, Thomas Bell, Brett Dunckel, Alex Morfin, Jessica McGuinness, Robert Parsons, Bill, and Kyle Ross.  Each of these amazing people have stepped up with the courage to be who they are and to share themselves with the world in hopes of inspiring the many law enforcement officers, firefighters, and EMS Professionals who are still hiding in the closet.

This is an exciting time in our history as more gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgender public safety professionals make themselves visible with the ranks of agencies throughout the United States.  My hope is that the straight colleagues and agency executives who work with these professionals will take notice and use this book to learn more about how to create an accepting and supportive work place for everyone.

Last year I created the Out To Protect Scholarship Program which supports out LGBT law enforcement students who are attending a basic training academy.  I’m really excited to announce that all of the proceeds from the sale of this book will go to support future scholarships.

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It’s clear that the presence of homophobia is the motivation and basis for the military’s now unconstitutional “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy.  This is the same kind of homophobia that keeps in place the unwritten “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” culture in law enforcement.  Why in 2010 is this fear still present in professional law enforcement organizations?  More importantly, how do we change it?

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

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Almost immediately following Judge Walker’s decision about Prop 8 being both a violation of the 14th Amendment’s guarantee of due process and equal protection, critics and religious zealots went on the attack.  They accused the Judge of making law and being an “activist judge.”  Fox News, of course, was at the lead of the pack.  Here’s attorney Ted Olson’s response.

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On Wednesday, August 4, 2010, I once again sat waiting for a text message with the decision of a Court about marriage equality.  Just as I was so elated in May of 2008 as I sat on the steps of the U.S. Supreme Court building and read the news about the California Supreme Court’s decision about marriage, I once again felt the same sense of elation and equality after hearing of Judge Walker’s ruling Proposition 8.  It didn’t surprise or amaze me, but it did restore my faith in the power of the 14th Amendment.

So the question now is whether or not Judge Walker will issue a stay on his own decision pending the appeal to the 9th Circuit Court that has already been filed.  Given what the good Judge wrote in his decision, “Plaintiffs have demonstrated by overwhelming evidence that Proposition 8 violates their due process and equal protection rights and that they will continue to suffer these constitutional violations until state officials cease enforcement of Proposition 8,” I don’t see how he could issue a stay.

No matter what he decides, I am truly grateful for the heard work and detail he put into writing this decision.  He did a thorough job of evaluating all of the facts presented from both sides.

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I’d like to congratulate Riverside Sheriff’s Captain Raymond Gregory and Randolph Chief William Pace on their appointments this month to the police of Chief of Police. Both of these law enforcement professionals are also openly gay and have clearly demonstrated that they can be “out” and successful on the job. Captain Gregory will be assigned as the Chief of Police for a number of small cities in Riverside County that contract with the Sheriff’s Department for police services. These cities are located north east of Palm Springs. Chief Pace is a 20-year veteran of the department and worked his way up to become the department’s tenth police chief.

Chief Pace (seen on the left) was sworn in on June 28, 2010 with his partner of six years.  How great it is that a city and its police department can set the example for others to follow.  This is the kind of role modeling that law enforcement so desperately needs.  Chief Gregory (seen on the right) has also been with his department for twenty years.  He said, he hopes his advancement will encourage others to feel comfortable about their sexuality at the workplace. “Hopefully people are able to be who they are.”

I applaud both of these men for their courage in, first coming out, and then on their hard work to become leaders in their departments.  Their example should serve as evidence to those closeted officers that you can live your life as you were made to be and still be successful in law enforcement.

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The smell of the BBQ starting, the sound of firecrackers popping, and the display of the American flag signal the start of the July 4th holiday weekend.  I spent some time this morning with a cup of hot coffee appreciating the core values and principles upon which this country was founded and why we forged our independence from England in the first place.  We wanted a number of freedoms including having a government that was independent of any religious organization or mandate.  After winning independence from England, we created a Constitution that establishes liberty, equality, and justice for all.  In fact, the value of religious freedom was so important, the authors of our Constitution re-stated the right to religious freedom in the First Amendment to the Constitution.  This Amendment along with the founding documents clearly establish a separation between church and state.  People have the right to believe or not believe whatever they want and the operation of the government must be kept free from the dictates of any church.

The Declaration of Independence was really the start of the civil rights movement in this country and we have been grappling with civil rights issues from that day forward.  We’ve grappled with race and gender and now today, we are fighting over gender identity and sexual orientation.  Organized religions have been deeply involved in every step of the civil rights movement, sometimes not being on the same side of one part of the movement as the other.  While struggles over race were specific to single group of people based on race, gender identity and sexual orientation transcends all races, all people, and both traditional genders.  Despite what some world leaders might say, gay people exist throughout the human race, on every continent and in every country.  It is a naturally occurring aspect of the human species.

The Constitution of the United States says clearly that all people are created equally and entitled to equal protection under the law.  It also establishes a clear separation of church and state.  Religious freedom is, and must be, a two way street meaning that people must be allowed to believe what they want while at the same time be governed independently of any one religion’s values or beliefs.  We are not a Christian country; we are not a country defined by any religious affiliation or allegiance.  We cannot be and have a fundamental freedom to practice any religion or none at all.

Last night I watched “8: The Mormon Proposition”.  This documentary told the story of how the Mormon Church constructed and funded the campaign to pass Proposition 8 in California which changed the California State Constitution to define a marriage between a man and a woman the only type of marriage to be legally recognized by the State.  This was the first time a vote of a slim majority of people changed a state’s constitution to actually take away a liberty from a specific group of people that they once enjoyed (albeit for a very short period of time – June 17, 2008 through November 4, 2008).  This documentary describes how the Mormon Church created a coalition with the Catholic Church to create “smoke screen” of sorts to hide their direct involvement.  I found it completely disturbing.  The level of hatred by the Mormom Church of gay people is amazing to me and defies any Christian values and principles I’m familiar with.  This is a faith that guided by leaders who tell their people that “it’s better to be dead than to be gay.” This is an organization that stands by parents to disown their gay children and one that has a track record of having one of the highest suicide rates among gay youth than any other religion in this country.  Hatred is a Mormon value and I see little difference between the kind of evil practiced here and that found in satanism. What took place with the Mormon Church and Catholic Church in the campaign for proposition 8 is criminal, unethical, and immoral.

On this July 4th holiday, I urge you to think about the meaning behind this weekend’s celebration and, like those lead us to freedom and independence from England, to find the courage to stand up for liberty, equality, and justice for all.  Don’t sit back and wait for someone else to do the hard work for you.  Find some way to contribute to this generation’s civil rights movement and do your part to honor those who fought before you.

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It’s Pride weekend here in the San Francisco Bay Area and in other major cities around the country including Chicago and New York. It’s an exciting time with many fun events, parades, and festivals. It’s cause for celebration, parties, and flying rainbow flags everywhere. The President, Speaker of the House, and many other supportive politicians at the state and local level signed proclamations, posted personal messages of congratulations on YouTube, and waved at cheering crowds in parades from Market Street to Greenwich Village. For those of us under 60, it’s pretty easy to look beyond the origins of our Pride celebrations and to forget that our cause for celebrating started with a violent confrontation with police. In fact, it was one of many violent confrontations with police that happened in cities all over the country. The cause of the conflict? The very basic desire to be “out” at a bar as gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, or transgender. It’s easy to get wrapped up complaining about all of the rights we still don’t have today while forgetting about the changes have come about because of the personal courage those who came before demonstrated by standing up for the basic right to be “out” in public. The reality is that despite what we still need to accomplish, we have much to be proud of and much to celebrate thanks to those pioneers who gave us the reason to march in a Pride parade.

In law enforcement, we seem to be lagging behind the rest of society in our acceptance of LGBT co-workers.  In fact, the homophobia in law enforcement resembles the kinds of childish bullying found in many high schools around the country.  This homophobia is keeping a vast majority of LGBT law enforcement officers from being “out” on the job.  But again, let’s not forget how far we have come as evidenced by the 14th LGBT Conference for Law Enforcement and Criminal Justice Professionals taking place this weekend in Chicago, hosted by the Chicago Gay Officers’ Action League.  No, there is no typo there… it is the fourteenth! annual conference.  There are LGBT law enforcement associations how on both coasts and sprinkled around the country in places you might least expect them to be including Iowa and Alabama.  More and more, law enforcement professionals, who happen to be LGBT, are coming out and in doing so are changing the hearts and minds of their colleagues.  This too is cause for much celebration.

This coming Wednesday, I have the distinct honor of being the keynote speaker the first multi-agency pride celebration of the U.S. Attorney’s Office, DEA, GSA, and FBI in San Francisco.  This even won’t take place off site in some hidden location, but rather in Courtroom 5 of the Phillip Burton Federal Building.  300 people are expected to attend.  The fact that this many employees will be coming together and openly celebrating pride in who they are is evidence and reason to be proud.

You know, you don’t have to wait until June each year to celebrate Pride.  Celebrate the unique person you are every day.  But this weekend as you are marching and partying, take an extra moment to remember all of those people who helped you get here today including those in your life who you know as well as those pioneers you may not have ever met.

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This month, we awarded our first Out To Protect Scholarship to Julianne Zuniga who just graduated from the Police Academy at Napa Valley College. The job market in California is tough, but Julianne decided to put herself through the academy on her own dime anyway. She is a proud member of the gay community and was an outstanding role model for her class.

It’s time now to fund raise for our next set of scholarships and we need your help. The Out To Protect Scholarship Program is funded entirely by private donations. No amount is too small to make a difference. Out to Protect Incorporated is a 501(c)(3) tax exempt organization, which means that every dollar you donate is fully tax deductible.

Donate Now

The Board of Directors is committed to making sure that 90% or more of ever donated dollar goes to one of our scholarships. This means that every dollar you donate will go to help a future law enforcement officer. Our goal this summer is to raise $10,000 by September 1 in order to fund the next 10 scholarship awards.

Please help us build this “first of its kind” scholarshp fund in the United States. It’s so easy to make a donation online using just about any credit card. You do not need to have a PayPal account to make an online donation. We welcome donations for professional organizations and checks are always accepted. Please click here for details about where to mail a donation.

You can follow us on Facebook for regular updates about our program.

Thank You

Greg Miraglia, President
Out To Protect Incorporated

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The Board of Directors of the Out To Protect Scholarship Program are pleased to announce their first award of a national scholarship to Julianne Zuniga of Vallejo, California. She was selected to receive a $500.00 scholarship after a nationwide search for qualified applicants currently enrolled in a basic law enforcement training program who met the following qualifications:

Identify as gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, transgender, or a straight ally and be “out” to your family, friends, and peers at the academy or law enforcement agency.
Be a recognized role model by your peers and supervisors.
Demonstrate use of the Law Enforcement Code of Ethics as a guide for decision making.
Demonstrate being able to graduate from your law enforcement training program.

Ms. Zuniga graduated from the Basic Police Academy at Napa Valley College yesterday. She quickly established herself as a role model for other students in her class and was selected by her peers and the academy staff to be a permanent squad leader. She has a solid track record of making ethical decisions and conducting herself in a consistently professional and disciplined manner. “I have achieved many goals in the police academy. I never thought it would be this tough to go through training, both physically and mentally and I am proud to say that I have made it. I plan to continue being an effective role model as a lesbian by never letting go of my morals and ethics. I will continue to be an effective leader in the agency that I work in and always set my standards high for others to follow. I will stay true to myself and always do what is right. I will never hide who I truly am and I will stand proud” Zuniga said. “I’m so proud to present this ‘first of its kind’ scholarship to such a fine young woman” said Greg Miraglia, founder and President of Out to Protect Incorporated.

Out To Protect Incorporated was founded in March of 2009 by Greg Miraglia, author of “Coming Out From Behind The Badge,” a book for and about LGBT law enforcement professionals who have come out on the job. Miraglia said, “The most effective way to eliminate homophobia in law enforcement is for outstanding role models like Julianne Zuniga to demonstrate that members of the LGBT community can work effectively as law enforcement professionals.



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Congress may vote as early as Thursday, May 28, to repeal Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.   They need to hear from you, so take a moment to call your local representatives and let them know you believe in the 14th Amendment and in the equality it guarantees.  Relieve the members of our military from the pressure of having to serve in silence.

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Join us for two radio programs this month all about LGBT law enforcement personnel and learn about how training for police about the LGBT community is changing for the better.

Outbeat Now! – Sunday, May 23, 2010, 8PM to 9PM PST

Featuring stories about Chief Susan Jones of the Healdsburg Police Department who is retiring after 30 years on the job and about the LAPD’s move of their youth program away from the Boy Scouts of America in order to be inclusive of LGBT youth. We will also feature a live interview with cadets from the Napa Police Academy who will talk about their research project on the Transgender Community.

Outbeat Radio Comes Out From Behind The Badge, May 30, 2010 8PM to 9PM PST

This is a special one-hour show all about how LGBT law enforcement officers who are “out” on the job. We will hear from officers of all ages from around the country about their experience on the job. The show will also feature a close look at the homophobia that still exists in law enforcement and how training is changing to prevent it.

Outbeat Radio is a weekly show airing exclusively on KRCB Radio in Santa Rosa, California. Anyone can listen online from anywhere in the world at www.krcb.org. Learn more about these shows at www.comingoutfrombehindthebadge.com and at www.outbeatyouth.com.

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In honor of National Police Month, author Greg Miraglia has produced a very special radio program honoring the many LGBT law enforcement officers who have come out on the job and who are combating the wide spread homophobia that still exists within the law enforcement profession. Hear the stories of officers who, despite the traditional law enforcement culture, have come out and who are now role models. We will share the stories of several pioneers who came out when it was still legal to be fired for being gay as well as from some younger officers who have been out from the beginning. We will hear from the director of a local police academy about how law enforcement is changing in order to create a more comfortable work place for LGBT officers.

Listen online from anywhere in the world at www.krcb.org or if you live in the Santa Rosa, California area, tune in at 91.1 FM.

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Despite the fact that acceptance of gay and lesbian people has grown greatly within our society, law enforcement as a profession is still struggling to get comfortable with gay and lesbian police officers. My belief is that the law enforcement profession is about 20 years behind the rest of society in how it views and accepts diversity within its own ranks and this is especially true for gay and lesbian employees. The proposed Federal Employment Non-Discrimination Act will help protect police officers when they do come out from behind fired and support those LGBT applicants gain employment. Listen here to an interview with Officer Michael Carney about his story and struggle after coming out.

We will feature more about how LGBT law enforcement officers are becoming more visible on the job next month as we honor LGBT law enforcement professionals during National Law Enforcement Month. Check back for more details about our radio show special.

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We have produced a one-hour radio show special about how LGBT law enforcement professionals are making themselves more visible within the ranks of law enforcement. Despite the prevailing homophobia, which continues to be pervasive throughout the profession, many gay and lesbian officers are tired of hiding and are coming out on the job. Some of these officers have found success while others have been fired simply for being who they are. Greg Miraglia, the host and producer of this show, talks with officers from around the country about their experience coming out. He also explores how law enforcement training is changing in order to make the work place more accepting of gay and lesbian officers.

“Outbeat Radio Comes Out From Behind The Badge” was produced exclusively for KRCB Radio of Santa Rosa and will air on Sunday, May 30, 2010 at 8PM PST. You are invited to attend a special preview and discussion about this show at 4PM on Saturday, May 15, 2010 at the A Different Light Bookstore, located at 489 Castro Street in San Francisco. This even will feature several of the officers interviewed in the show. Mr. Miraglia will also be signing copies of his book, “Coming Out From Behind The Badge.” A meet and greet will follow this event at Toad Hall.

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Here’s a story about a second officer from the UC Davis Police Department who has file a suit alleging work place discrimination and harassment based on nationality and perceived sexual orientation. The first officer is openly gay and filed a suit this past February. And just 40 minutes away from UC Davis, the Roseville Police Department is being sued by three officers for work place harassment and discrimination based on sexual orientation.

Something new to law enforcement? No way. It’s just becoming more visible and gay and lesbian officers are making themselves more visible on the job. Homophobia is a problem in the vast majority of law enforcement agencies and has been present within the culture for decades. Only now are individuals standing up, coming out, and saying we’ve had enough and it’s time for a change.

Look for more from us about this topic in a special program we are premiering next month on KRCB Radio. More details to follow.

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If the whole “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy isn’t ludacris enough, now the Department of Defense says that isn’t interim policy is going to include assigning higher ranking officers to investigate gays in the military and that it won’t rely stricktly on third-person information or rumors. So he’s proposing a more thorough investigation before discharge? This sounds a lot like a witch hunt… and of course the use of higher ranking officers is going to cost tax payers more money; and for what?


Watch CBS News Videos Online

The answer here is simple. Eliminate DADT and let’s get on with the military’s more important mission.

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History is made every day in Washington DC, but it seems extra special today as the first same-sex couples become legally married. Unlike the first day of same-sex marriage in other states, Washington DC is special to me as it is the place where our Constitution rests, where the Supreme Court resides, and where the fundamental rights of all people are ultimately tested. While it is true the Supreme Court has not had the opportunity rule on marriage equality, same-sex marriages are taking place today in lower courtrooms just blocks away from the highest court in the land and that just feels really special. Take a look…

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This morning Admiral Mike Mullen said what I have been saying about “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’s” impact on law enforcement…

“WASHINGTON – The military’s top uniformed officer declared Tuesday that gays should be allowed to serve openly in uniform, arguing that it is “the right thing to do.” Adm. Mike Mullen’s statement was the strongest yet from the uniformed military on this volatile issue, although he stressed that he was “speaking for myself and myself only.” He told the Senate Armed Services Committee Tuesday he is deeply troubled by a policy that forces people to ‘lie about who they are in order to defend their fellow citizens.’”

Herein lies the problem exactly and in law enforcement I can tell you that a DADT culture is very much alive and well.  In fact, I talked with an officer this week who works for a rural department in northern California.  He described for me the dilemma he faces every day at work when he is forced by the power of the agency culture to hide who he is in lieu of facing rejection.  It’s so wrong.

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This week President Obama said, again, that he intended to end the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy for the United States military.  We’ll see now how long it takes for him to follow through.  But, for law enforcement, ending this policy is a bit more complicated because it really only exists within the profession’s culture.  In many states, this reality of our culture is reinforced by non-inclusive employment discrimination laws that continue to allow sexual orientation to be a reason for firing someone; even a police officer.

It simply doesn’t work to say in the work place, “look, I don’t care if you’re gay, just keep it to yourself.”  In fact, doing so causes a gay officer to lie every Monday morning when asked by their straight peers, “so, what did you do this weekend?”  The real danger for closeted law enforcement personnel who are oppressed with a “don’t ask, don’t tell” culture is that they are forced to make a decision about whether to lie and risk being terminated for dishonesty or to come out and risk being rejected by their peers or even fired for simply being who they are.

I believe the problems created by the military’s official “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy extend beyond the military base.  This policy too is reinforcing a negative and damaging aspect of law enforcement culture that must be ended.  I believe it is much more important for a police officer to be known and trusted to be always truthful in both his or her personal and official life than it is to keep sexual orientation in the closet for whatever unexplainable purpose that might serve.

Now would be another great opportunity to write your representatives and demand they get rid of “don’t ask, don’t tell.”  Want to know more?  Click here to read about some of the successful military personnel who were fired for being who they are.

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Chase Bank is going to award several grants for $500,000 and one for $1 million!  The Matthew Shepard Foundation is in the running to receive one of these grants.  The decision will be made based on votes collected through Facebook.  We need your support.

I am one of the members of the Board of Directors for the Matthew Shepard Foundation.  I got involved with the Foundation in 2001 after meeting Judy Shepard.  Since that time, I’ve watched this organization do some incredible work not only helping to educate legislators about hate and hate crimes, but also to support young people through Matthewsplace.com.  Even though we have federal hate crimes law now in place, the law alone will not stop hate.  The Matthew Shepard Foundation is poised to deliver powerful educational program designed to combat hate.

Please take a moment to review the information about this grant opportunity and to vote for the Matthew Shepard Foundation.  The deadline is January 22, 2010.

Click Here To Learn More

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Part of the vision for “Coming Out From Behind The Badge” was to start a scholarship program to support “out” gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, and transgender law enforcement students. I’m pleased to announce today the official start of our national scholarship program, “Out To Protect!” This scholarship program is the very first of its kind in the country. We are developing a non-profit corporation with the mission to “create a greater awareness of gay, lesbian, bi-sexual, and transgender professionals working in law enforcement and to support those pursuing a law enforcement career.”

We are applying for 501(c)(3) tax exempt status so that donations we collect will be tax deductible. Our organization will be comprised entirely of volunteers. Not one dollar of donated money will go to pay a salary. Our intent is to devote 90% or more of every donated dollar to scholarships. The remaining amount will be used to promote this program and our educational efforts. It is my hope that every working GLBT member of law enforcement will contribute to the future of law enforcement by investing in this scholarship program. My dream would be to build an endowment of sufficient size to make this scholarship program self-supporting. All of these efforts will be developed and guided by a very talented Board of Directors. My partner, Tony Pennacchio, who is a professional educator will serve as the Treasurer. Mr. Damien Sandoval, Director of the Police Academy at Napa Valley College, and Officer Ben Smith of the San Francisco Police Department will serve as Directors.

We will invite applications from “out” GLBT law enforcement students from throughout the United States. Our board of directors will review the applications and make awards based on those applicants who best meet our selection criteria. Our goal this year is to provide two $1000 scholarships.

You can start supporting this effort immediately by making a donation – CLICK HERE. You can also support our efforts by purchasing logo items from one of our two online stores. CLICK HERE for the new Out To Protect store.

To stay informed about how this project develops, please join our mailing list by CLICKING HERE.